God Centered Affirmation for those who are not God
“Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."
JAMES 1:16-18
My wife, Emily, periodically recalls the story of our first Member's Meeting at Canby Christian Church. She remembers it so well because Pastor Aaron made her cry during it. It was the second time he had made her cry in the short time we had known him. The first was during one of my interviews before coming on staff at the church, when Aaron asked her, "How are you feeling?" That was all it took.
We were coming off of years and of stress-filled ministries where I either didn't have the skills required for the position, or I was simply underappreciated for what I was contributing—and sometimes both. She had seen me several times seriously question whether I should be doing ministry at all. I don't think I fully understood how difficult it was for her to see me like that.
She told me what brought her to tears in this first member meeting was simply Aaron affirming me. To be honest I don't even remember what it was, he just mentioned a few things I had done or some qualities that I had, and stated how he appreciated them. I had no idea how hard it was for her as a wife, to be starved of the affirmation of her husband.
The Essential of Affirmation
The fact that it's even painful for you to watch someone you care about go unaffirmed illustrates how essential affirmation is to the human soul. That's exactly why Sam Crabtree has written the book that we are reading together as a church this spring. Practicing Affirmation is a serious call for us to serve each other in a way that we all need and so often go without.
In this first chapter, Crabtree sets us up with the main concepts that we need if we are going to set out to partner with God in bringing life and healing to people around us with the practice of affirmation. The most important of these concepts is that all good affirmation is ultimately the affirmation of God himself. Keeping this in mind saves us from the many pitfalls that lead us to poorly executed affirmation. As the chapter title suggests, proper affirmation is the God-centered affirmation of people who are not God.
What we affirm is just as important as whether or not we affirm. I read once, about raising girls, that too often the only affirmation girls get is for being pretty or sweet (that's why when my daughters put on a cute outfit I always tell them they look like they would be good at science, technology and engineering). As Crabtree states, "Before being able to affirm people well, we need to learn to affirm God, the source of everything to be affirmed in people. He is the source, the template, the standard. In order to be on the lookout for what is commendable in people, we should see the commendable in God."
Our Aim in Affirmation
What we need to do is fall in love with the characteristics of God and celebrate when we see those characteristics of God in others.
This is not about flattery or manipulation. This is not about idolizing people or complimenting them for superficial/worldly reasons. This is about acknowledging that everything good and perfect comes down from God and "supremely valuing the supremely valuable." When we affirm others by acknowledging that by grace, God's character is showing up in their lives, rather than inflating the ego of the affirmed, it leads the affirmed (and the rest of us) to worship God in deeper and more specific ways.
We hope you'll join us as we read through this book and strive to make God-centered affirmation a common part of our community.
