Church Blog
When Not to Affirm
It was around 14 years ago that I got a call from my cousin hours after he was released from the hospital after surviving a near-fatal drug overdose. Me and my cousin were as close as brothers, and we had grown up together sharing similar joys and dealing with many challenges. He faced greater challenges than I ever did, and one way he coped with the challenges he faced was turning to drugs. And while I also used drugs to escape, he went much further down that road until it nearly took his life. When he called me, desperate to escape from the clutches of this addiction, I offered to walk with him through recovery. It was not his first time pursuing sobriety, and there were difficult months to come. But through God’s grace, and support of the family of faith, he was freed from that slavery. But one thing I never did was affirm a lifestyle of drug-use. There are many times when we should not affirm, but rather confront…
Seeing Jesus in Others
A simple, “good job!” is such a powerful tool especially with toddlers. When they do something praiseworthy, or helpful and you say, “good job!” the child lights up and tries to do it again and again. Why? Because they got something they want which is attention and affirmation.
On some level, the lie that we tell ourselves is that we are no longer like that toddler, craving encouragement that can motivate us toward godliness. But adults are not as complex as we may think. A simple ‘good job’ can get a lot of people to persevere in their work. The sad part is that it seems like the older we get, the less affirmation we receive…
The Right Questions to Ask When
I didn’t have to take a test to find out my primary love language is words of affirmation. Words have always been my go-to when encouraging others—even as early as first grade. During the infamous 1978 Indiana blizzard, I was stuck in my first-grade classroom with my classmates. Because the snow came so fast, the buses couldn’t make it to the school in time to pick up the children and take them home. Most of the kids ended up staying overnight at the school.
Now this is the part I don’t remember. According to my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Weekly, I had given this word of encouragement to my classmates: “Mrs. Weekly’s a mom. She’ll know what to do.”
Clearly, in my young mind, I had a high view of motherhood. As I’ve since learned, being a mom for 25 years, moms don’t always know what to do. But there was something in me as a child that wanted to comfort. Inconsequently, and I’m sure not on purpose, I was also affirming my teacher as a mom. But then again, she could’ve been thinking, “I have no idea what to do!” Which is exactly why asking the right questions is so important…
How Affirmation Can Go Wrong
I recently bought a box of riddles to ask my girls. One of the riddles asked, “What is something we all need, often share, love to give, but rarely receive?” the answer—advice! In the Christian life, and when it comes to affirmation, it may sound more like: “What is something we all need and want but rarely give to others? The answer: Affirmation! This book is intended to help us solve this riddle. In the sense that it isn’t just about finding the correct answer but taking the right actions after knowing the answer…
Why Affirmation is so Important
When I was a kid, I remember thinking I never wanted to be exactly like my parents; I wanted to be my own person. Now that I am older, I recognize all the ways I did, in fact, become a lot like my parents, especially my mother. Particularly when it comes to losing my keys. Growing up, my mother was always losing her keys. I even recall a time when we were late for school and frantically searching for the car keys, and I ended up finding them in the refrigerator! This is why I laughed a little at Crabtree’s opening illustration of a key. He describes how this small tool is both simple and complex. Affirmation is simple in concept, but difficult in its application because relationships are complex, messy, and are affected by many factors…
How Affirmation Refreshes Relationships
I discovered the power of affirmation while enduring my first year as a public school teacher. I had the great pleasure of teaching rowdy, pubescent 7th and 8th graders in a low-income area of Southern California, and it was nearly impossible to get through to many of my students. I taught three periods of remedial writing, which really meant that I was tasked with keeping order in a classroom filled with students who scored very low on tests–mostly because they had unstable homes, no educational support, and/or spoke English as a second language. There are many students that come to mind from that time, but one young lady in particular faced serious difficulties. During the school year her older sister committed suicide and her parents divorced, so turmoil abounded in her life. She spent much of her class time trying to distract other students, and finding ways to avoid her assignments…
God Centered Affirmation for those who are not God
My wife, Emily, periodically recalls the story of our first Member's Meeting at Canby Christian Church. She remembers it so well because Pastor Aaron made her cry during it. It was the second time he had made her cry in the short time we had known him. The first was during one of my interviews before coming on staff at the church, when Aaron asked her, "How are you feeling?" That was all it took.
We were coming off of years and of stress-filled ministries where I either didn't have the skills required for the position, or I was simply underappreciated for what I was contributing—and sometimes both. She had seen me several times seriously question whether I should be doing ministry at all. I don't think I fully understood how difficult it was for her to see me like that….