The Right Questions to Ask When
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…”
Proverbs 25:11I didn’t have to take a test to find out my primary love language is words of affirmation. Words have always been my go-to when encouraging others—even as early as first grade. During the infamous 1978 Indiana blizzard, I was stuck in my first-grade classroom with my classmates. Because the snow came so fast, the buses couldn’t make it to the school in time to pick up the children and take them home. Most of the kids ended up staying overnight at the school.
Now this is the part I don’t remember. According to my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Weekly, I had given this word of encouragement to my classmates: “Mrs. Weekly’s a mom. She’ll know what to do.”
Clearly, in my young mind, I had a high view of motherhood. As I’ve since learned, being a mom for 25 years, moms don’t always know what to do. But there was something in me as a child that wanted to comfort. Inconsequently, and I’m sure not on purpose, I was also affirming my teacher as a mom. But then again, she could’ve been thinking, “I have no idea what to do!”
Asking the Right Questions
This is exactly why chapter six is so important. If your love language is words of affirmation or if you feel sorely lacking for words, the list of questions the author gives us helps us examine our motives and efforts—giving us the right questions to ask before affirming others. He does this not only by providing questions, but he repeats the main point of the book often.
In fact, his answer to the last question, gives us a good definition to work from.
Affirmation is truthfully declaring by complimentary word or action the goodness of something. Good affirmation attests, certifies, or confirms that which honors God, that which is morally upright.
Most of the answers to his questions mention some form of this. Yet, throughout this chapter and throughout the book, he hones in on what it specifically means for the Christian. The affirmation we give, as believers, should either encourage someone to become more like Christ or reflect something about Him.
God’s Guidance in Affirmation
It’s tricky though, isn’t it? What about that unbelieving uncle who tells crass jokes at the Thanksgiving table, super loud, every year, annoying you to death? Or that toxic coworker you’ve done your best to be nice to, but she absolutely has it out for you regardless of your efforts to be a friend?
The author touches on this too, and it’s a good answer for sure. But here’s something else I want to encourage you with:
No matter what relationships we have or what role we’ve been given, God can and will lead us in affirming others. Pray for His guidance. Pray for the right words. And don’t forget this most important truth:
God is our Father. He’ll know what to do!
